I’m very familiar with the word failure. At some point in time failure was my first, middle, and last name. Throughout my younger years I was always successful at anything I would put my mind to. Failure was never a part of my younger years, I was always motivated and determined to succeed, however, upon arriving to college my life drastically begin to face a certain degree of turmoil. I was determined to get my life back on track, and to become more successful than I ever imagined. I told myself I would conquer any obstacle that hindered me from reaching success, so I did.
College is a place where most people find themselves, and can possibly lose themselves. For me, college was a joyous experience, an escape, a disaster, and an eye opener all at once. College was something I waited for my entire life, I was one step closer to making my dreams come true, and I was finally able to get to Miami, and be away from my parents in the process. It was an amazing feeling. College started out as a great experience for me, I met some great people, my classes were going great, and then, suddenly many unpleasant things begin to take place.
After my first semester concluded, my life was downhill from their. My second semester I became more negligent towards my education, and soon everything in my life begin to slowly but surely take a turn for the worst. My education was the first to go, I never once in my life gave up on myself completely until I went to college, / believe this was the first time in my life that I failed at something, I failed myself, and my family. I gave up on life, I gave up on everything. Unbeknownst to my friends, family, and my professors I was fighting many battles that only old anyone, friends or family, about how my mother was dying from cancer, every day I cried, funny thing is she doesn’t even know this.
Some days I would use online resources to find a cure, or call around to some doctors just to see if it was anything I could do to help her, it was hard for me being in Miami while she was facing this battle with only my grandmother, and my young sister who was only a mere toddler. Battling all these things, I was no longer this outgoing person that I once remembered, I was no longer this eager to learn, smart, and witty person. I’m not sure who I became.
I was now afraid to look at myself, to look at others, I no longer walked with pride, I walked with my head held down trying to avoid anything and anyone. I stopped attending my classes, I stopped doing work, and participating in various activities that use to bring me joy. I continued to fall more and more into despair. I begin to fail at life, fail myself, fail my family and friends, and soon I failed majority of my classes. I was a stranger to myself and everyone around me. My life hit rock bottom. After being down for so long, I got tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I saw that my life was slowly passing me by, and most importantly I saw that while everyone else was graduation I was prolonging my education and wasn’t moving anywhere but further into debt. I begin to reevaluate myself to try to get a better understanding of what my life had become. I was failing because my weight, my skin problem, health issues, obesity, family issues, and bullying etc. All these things begin to torment me at once and I guess I just couldn’t handle it so I gave up. I soon realized that life doesn’t wait for anyone, anything, any excuse, depression or anything else for that matter.
There is absolutely no way to pause or rewind time. So the only option I had was to get it together regardless of what I was dealing with. I didn’t realize how swiftly time was passing by, and how much time I ha wasted. I reevaluated myself, I took some time to think about all the senseless, and thoughtless decisions that I made for myself and how it affected me and those around me. It took some time but I finally got it together. After seeing how my senseless actions put my education in jeopardy, I said enough. I told myself it’s time to get down to business, it’s time to become the person that everyone hated, but I loved.
I guess when I think about it, I let peer pressure get the best of me, I let the way others lived there lives determine the way I lived mine, and now I can no longer accept being half of me. After having to sit out of school for a year due to academic suspension, I came back better than ever. Everyone noticed the change in me, I loved it, and they did as well. Of course I had some slip ups along the way, but I can honestly say I am proud of myself, and I haven’t been more proud since I graduated high school with honors. I finally was back to myself. Now, I was all about my studies and pursuing my education.