Tomorrow I get married. You looked at yourself in the mirror, wearing your veil and holding your bouquet. You were still wearing your clothes from earlier that day which made for a strange combination with the fine lace draped on your hair and the calla lilies in your hands. It was a sight to take in and, somehow, made it seem very real and frightening. “I can’t do this,” you told your reflection. Your whole life you had been afraid of commitment, or more accurately, of making the jump to tell someone how you felt about them. Tomorrow you were scheduled to do just that in front of hundreds of people you both knew and didn’t know.
Was it really worth it? Was it worth the embarrassment? Oh God. What if he says ‘no’? The thought made you feel queasy. You took off the veil and were just setting down the flowers when you heard a rap at the door. “(Y/ N)? ” The voice sounded familiar, like one you hadn’t heard in years. You opened the door and there he stood. You hadn’t seen him for 2 years, yet you still wanted to slam the door in his face. As you tried to enact your wishes, he put a palm up and stopped the door. “(Y/N)… please. ” The look on his face was wounded and pleading. Begging. You know, you have some nerve showing up after what you did. ” He stammered on air, trying to find where to begin. “Can we talk inside? Instead of the hallway? ” His eyes searched yours for a foothold of forgiveness. You obliged him that much as you stepped aside for him to walk in. Noticing for the first time what he was wearing, you were a bit stunned. Knowing Loki, he preferred formal wear and his typical Asgardian garb.
Today he was wearing dark wash jeans, a cozy black sweater, and a chunky knit, green, winter scarf. He caught you staring. “I, uh… Went shopping,” he said, looking at he ground while fidgeting with his hands. “I figured it best to not attract too much attention, and someone once told me that you should never show up dressed better than the bride. ” You had told him that. You remembered when you had told him that and why, and you smiled for a second, reminiscing about that day. You remembered Loki walking out to the foyer of your apartment, all bedecked in Asgardian wedding attire, stating that he was ready to accompany you to your cousin’s wedding. You remembered the joy and laughter of that day. But that was a different time. Why are you here? ” you demanded. “I’ve come to confess my feelings. ”
“Well it’s a little late for that now, isn’t it? I’m marrying Mark tomorrow. ” It looked like you had stabbed him with a knife. He had already known you were to marry Mark tomorrow, but it still stung. He quickly resumed a normal expression, but you both knew he still ached from the stab. He always ached from his stab wounds, those that were both recent and those that were thousands of years old. “Let me confess, for I hath sinned,” he mocked in a priestly voice, palms forward, eyes cast upwards. Is that not the way of your Christian church here on Midgard? ” You weren’t sure if he was mocking or actually serious, but it was most likely the first; he always joked to cover hurt. You crossed your arms and gave him a nod to continue. “I need to apologize first and foremost for leaving you. I-” “Loki,” you cut in, feeling a wall of your self-control break.
You looked at him with pain and suffering threatening to spill down your cheeks. “I wanted to come back. You have no idea how much I wanted to come back. ” “Then why didn’t you? You felt your throat heat up as you struggled not to lose it. He looked out the window in an effort to avoid your heartbroken eyes. It had started to snow, and even that hurt as you remembered the night you had first seen him in his Jotun form. He finally summoned the strength to turn his gaze back to you. “I didn’t want to force you to spend the rest of your life with a monster. I couldn’t chain you like that. ” His face was solemn, but behind it were tears. “You’re not a monster,” you said, closing in on him. “You were never a monster. You were always-” “Always,” he interjected.
He laughed at that word. “I’ve always been; I always will be; I go on. You, however… ” He brushed his thumb across your cheek. “Tender youth, but to me you are a blink of an eye. No sooner would I marry you then I would have to bury you. ” “I told you I didn’t care about that,” you replied. “But I care. ” “Loki, what did you use to tell me every day before I left the apartment? ” You knew he knew the words, but he refused to say them. “You’d tell me every day, ‘be yourself and live in the moment’. ” You let the phrase hang in the air, lingering as your argument.
Loki let it linger before he changed the subject. “Do you love Mark? ” The topic change was so abrupt that it caught you off guard. “Excuse me? ” “I said, ‘Do you love Mark? ‘. ” “I really don’t think that’s any of your business. ” All it took was that sentence. You had answered with something other than ‘of course’ and it was the night before your wedding. You knew you had doubts, and now, so did Loki. To be honest, Loki would have known anyways because you were a terrible liar. “I think it is my business because I’ve come to right a wrong that should have been corrected a long time ago. Y/N), I still love you. ” “Loki, you can’t just come to claim me the night before my wedding! That’s not how it works! ” Your frustration was coming all out at once as you struck him with your blunt sword of your words. “You don’t understand! I’ve spent thousands of dollars on tomorrow! My dress, the cake, the venue, all the guests will be waiting! I’ve spent so much time and money and effor-” Silenced by his lips, you shut your eyes. It was like Mark and the wedding had never existed as you experienced the deja vu kiss.
Loki cradled your head with one hand and, via his magic, you saw all that you were together, in the past and future, playing through the images in your mind; images of the first time you met, your first kiss, fights, laying next to him after making love. They flashed behind your eyelids so fast that you were becoming dizzy. There was also something incredibly soft and sweet in his lips and a unique fluttering in your stomach that was unlike how you were with Mark. As you pulled away, you stared at those incredibly close green eyes, trying to steady yourself. “I-1-1,” you stuttered. “Just tell me you love me. He had always been a master of persuasion, but even this amazed you.
It took you a minute to pull yourself back down to earth after that kiss, but part of your soul was still flying above. The realization broke you. “How am I supposed to tell Mark? ” You were sobbing now. The warmth of his embrace was comforting. He held you tight, your face buried in his scarf and sweater, quieting your tears. You felt safe. You felt like a shield was between his hold on you and the soon to be problems of the outside world. You felt home. When Loki spoke, you knew your irrefutable fate. “I’m never letting you go again. “