“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ” – Anais Nin The words of Anais Nin make me think of the Adiche single story we heard through her Ted Talk and then again through her short story, A Private Experience. How can we know what is out there and who’s out there if we do not first have an initial meeting and put aside our stereotypes and single stories? Lines must be crossed and barriers must be torn down and that is exactly what FYS has helped us do.
As this class comes to a close, it is only appropriate to sit back and reflect on all I’ve learned. From the first day to the last, one thing has continually stuck with me: relationships. FYS and all the materials in it have that as a common factor. The relationships we have with those around us help us to get out of our comfort zone, teach us when to let go, to have open minds, be devoted to others and finally to prioritize which in return gives us direction in how to live in the world.
In these first couple weeks of school, not only did | learn about others, but also learned more about myself through my relationships with those around me and was pushed in more ways than one to get out of my comfort zone. We were paired up and new relationships were formed as we shared stories and the ups and downs of life together. Our first assignment we had to do in our FYS class was interview a classmate and give a small presentation on them. Not only did we interview each other, but also an upperclassman or a faculty member. We had to go out of our way and interview someone we only barely knew.
As frightening as that was it was through those interviews that we got a bigger picture of what it looks like to live in the world. As time went on and relationships were formed the class dynamic changed from small talk, to deep and meaningful discussions about life and you guessed it- how we should live. Not only have we grown as a class, inside the classroom, but we have also been pushed to have relationships outside of our classroom walls. However, the learning did not stop there. As a class, we had the opportunity to serve someone else, deepening our relationships with each other and with the Lord.
We got to help a family who seemed to experience a different world thar and in return, we shared our worlds with each other. At this point, our relationships were no longer classmate relationships, but they were turning into friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime. Not only did I see tips about relationships amongst the things that we did, but also in what we read. In Ordinary Grace by William Kent, Krueger, relationships were all over the place between the characters in the book. The main point that I noticed and learned through the reading was that relationships change – sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.
The characters were challenged and pushed to their breaking point- some came out stronger than ever as others crumbled and could never be repaired. We saw Jake and Frank’s brotherly relationship bloom into a friendship all while their world was falling apart around them. We read about the head of the household Nathan, who constantly relied on his relationship with the Lord even while his wife was pulling away and chaos surrounded his family. We also saw relationships fall apart like Emil Brandt and Ruth Drum as tension grew between the two and secrets were exposed.
Krueger writes, “As far as| know she never saw Brandt socially again. I suppose that in its way this, too, was a loss she suffered. ” (Krueger, p. 294) Losing a relationship is heartbreaking, but we must be like Ruth and know that going separate ways is for the best. Gus too, separated himself from Doyle to mature and become a better man for himself and for the young boys that were more like brothers. Relationships in Ordinary Grace showed us both positive and hurtful relationships and I think that is important for how we should live in the world.
So many times, toxic relationships can take hold on us and wreck us for what we want to become. Ordinary Grace made me reflect on my own life and how it’s okay to let relationships go as we strive to become the person we want to be. That does not mean that letting go is easy, but at times it can be the only choice in order for us to grow in a new way. At the same time, we need to be open to where relationships might take us and how they might shape us and we see that through the story of Reuven and Danny in the book The Chosen. In the beginning, Reuven and Danny had little in common- or so they thought.
But, aren’t we all like that? We tend to be so close minded and stick to what we know and who we know. I know I for one am guilty. One thing The Chosen taught us was to be open-minded. At first, Reuven stated that he wanted nothing to do with Danny, even yelling at him when he came to apologize and Danny was often found calling Reuven and his friends “apikorsim. ” (Potok, p. 26) I found it intriguing as we watched the boys develop a close friendship though there were many bumps along the way. The boys would have never met if it wasn’t for that fateful day at the ballpark in which their worlds crossed paths.
Their conversations went from what happened at the baseball game, too confiding in each other about what path to take for their future careers. I can assume that a lot of relationships work like that, an inciting incident that’s followed by good days and bad, highs and lows. No relationship is perfect, but we must strive to make those relationship work. From that very first chapter when Reuven gets hit with the ball you know that something extraordinary was going to happen between the two boys. The Chosen by Chaim Potok also brilliantly displays for us how much dedication you must put into a relationship at times.
By no means did Reuven and Danny have an easy start and that is evident in their first meeting. However, they did not let their differences get in the way. They were interested in different studies and had different routines in life but the boys worked hard to remain in contact with another despite their circumstances. They made plans to get together on certain days and they both made an effort to see each other which is clearly represented on page 194: “Danny and I did everything together that month” and later we read “Danny was reading Freud, and I was doing Symbolic logic. ” (Potok, p. 95)
Indicating that no matter what, the boys choose to spend time together. Secrets were shared, and some were kept hidden. Arguments arose, but because of the dedication the boys had in their relationship, the friendship remained strong and continued to flourish. Relationships set us up to learn- to learn more about others, learn about ourselves and learn more about the world and how we should live in it as represented in the books we read. As human beings, we are to live boldly. We’re learning how to live in the world right here and right now as we spend time on campus and meet others.
Whether that’s late-night talks with the girls next door, or stepping out of your comfort zone and handing in the spring service project application- all are bettering you and preparing you for what’s to come and how you will live that future out. Relationships, in the end are very rewarding, but not always easy. In Destiny of the Republic by Candace Millard, we again see how relationships function. One relationship that is extremely important is that of Alexander Gram Bell and how he balanced or should I say how he lacked balance between his work and his wife.
While his contribution to the world was phenomenal, his relationship therefore lacked. If there is one thing I learned from Bell it was that how you prioritize your time is hugely important on how you will live. Yes, he loved his wife dearly, but with his inventions he didn’t have the time that she deserved and because of that something in their relationship was always missing. We must pick and choose our priorities and I don’t think that Bell did a very good job in that area. We must realize the relationships we have with others will always be more fulfilling than any amount f work can offer you.
President Garfield also had his relationship suffer, but unlike Bell, his true character was evident even in his hardships. Whether he knew that the doctors were the ones actually killing him he offered them nothing but kindness no matter what level of pain he was in. Why did everyone like him so much? Why did they choose him to become president even though he wasn’t even running? I think it was because he was relational and he choose people. He put his children first and tried his best to be a dad first and a president second.
He was a normal guy, just like you and me, but the way he presented himself separated him from others. He lived such a simple life, that even when times were tough he was still well liked by everyone who came across him. He didn’t blame others when things went wrong, and he didn’t shout at others when he became angry. He was slow to anger and cared deeply about those around him. His relationships with others were important to him and we can see that in the way he lived and in the way he died.
From the first day to the last, FYS and the materials in it has changed me and pushed me to be better. It has improved my writing and speaking skills, but it has also done much more than that. The relationships I have with those around me has helped me to better understand myself, get out of my comfort zone, to have an open mind, to be devoted to others and finally to prioritize my time. The people I have met through FYS will forever hold a special place in my heart as we experienced the first semester of college together, lived to tell about it and now can go live in the world.
