American writer and artist, Flavia Weedn, once wrote in her poem, “Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same”. One of my teachers told me something during my junior year that stood out to me and touched me dearly. She said, “Lift your problems up to Him, and He will take care of the rest”. Transitioning from a Catholic grade school to a public school high school was not an easy task, especially after recovering from a concussion. Upon entering my first year of high school, I did not know anybody in the district- not a teacher, not a parent, not a student, and I felt completely lost.
I was placed in all academic classes to ensure that I did not fall behind among my peers due to my previous head injury which I had graduated from rehab a few months earlier. However, making new good friends was not as easy as I thought that it would be, and I experienced a lot of anxiety and stress from the exposure to the new atmosphere. Each year I was making more and new friends easier, but academically eleventh grade was the hardest year to conquer. Junior year was filled with many challenges, but I never thought that my hardships would bring me closer to my family and to God.
I could feel from day one that a fast-flowing river of anxiety had gushed over my head. Standardized test such as the SAT’s, ACT’s, and AP exams, college pressure, the endless speeches from my teachers and principals about the importance of academics and career searching was now added to my agenda. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and my stress level continued to grow. I became extremely engrossed and focused on my school work, and it consumed my time to a point where my parents became very concerned for my health.
I was staying up late studying and finishing my homework for the next day, sometimes into the early hour of the morning because I would work ahead in classes before finishing my essential studies for the next day. I found myself on several occasions starting to fall asleep in my second period physics class because I had not gotten a good night’s sleep. There were some nights where I would not even see my dad because I was busy studying and would not leave my room. I did not let myself have free time to allow myself to blow off some steam, and instead I would over study the material.
I was missing youth group outings which including a basketball game that I really wanted to go to, and the only time where I got out of the house on the weekends was on Sundays when I went to youth ministry and to church; even then my thoughts were filled with constant worry about my homework or what projects or assignments I would receive for the week or still needed to finish. I was putting too much pressure on myself to prove something to myself, parents, teachers, and peers, despite that my weighted GPA for the year was over a hundred percent.
My own concern for my stress and my obsession over my grades prompted me to talk to my school guidance counselor. I could feel my stress rising to a breaking point, but my perfectionism was getting the best of me despite what my parents told me. In response, my guidance counselor and two of my teachers worked with me and helped me to realize that there is so much more to life than grades and SAT or AP exam scores: academics are important, however, using extracurricular activities as a form of is necessary.
The score on paper is simply a number and those numbers do not define who I am; it is not a measure of my worth as a human being. Some people enter one’s life as a blessing, whether it may be a simple smile that brightens one’s day or a few words that remains with one for a lifetime. That one sentence that my teacher told me was one of the best, most surprising, but most inspirational things that any teacher has ever told me. It captivated everything that I needed to know to move forward with my life at that point- to leave behind the beautiful and smart student who was drowning erself with misery and hopelessness, and without her faith.
My teacher pointed out indirectly how important the faith is in every aspect in life, and not just during Sunday services. It was the first time in a long time since the school year started that I felt a little light shine through into me because I was reminded that I am never ever alone. I have admitted to myself that managing stress and being a perfectionist are my weaknesses, and I know that it is something that I must overcome, but I know that I do not have to do it alone-God’s grace is always with me.
I strongly believe that this experience has brought me closer to God in many ways. He used my stress for my good and for His glory because I was able to redefine and to rediscover my priorities in life by gaining a perspective from a life where I did not want to live in; I did not want to be that girl who is always angry at everyone and upset because she missed a few points on an exam or received a lower score than expected.
Instead of going to God and praying to Him, looking back, I feel that I shut Him out, choosing to bury my frustrations and anxieties inside. God strengthened my faith in Him by bringing me closer to Him through praying. I know how much He loves us all, and that He will lead me with the Holy Spirit through the many roadblocks that may lay ahead in my near and distant future.
