Grief is a range of emotions and behaviours shown by people when confronted with a sudden loss. This range is divided up into a number of stages, or a process of grief. Doctor Granger Westburg developed 10 stages that illustrated these emotions linked with behaviour and then was followed by a number of people who developed another process of several stages based on this original theory. Doctor Westburg discovered that grief is a process, not a state, after observing these faced with loss.
He noted 10 stages, which are: shock; emotional release; isolation; physical symptoms; complete inability to cope with life; guilt; anger; inability to get back to normal activities; a return to reality; and then back to normal. These stages occur mainly in order, but some show later or arise when something affects the person the wrong way, this is when they go through several stages at one time. In the film “Thunder in my Head” were shown a woman, Bekky Saunders, a month after her husband died in a car accident.
This movie is seen at her first back at work. At work, a discussion with her boss activates a chain reaction of stages, from anger to isolation, which then leads to emotional release and some physical symptoms. These all include some anger towards her husband and the police, isolation because she wants to spend the night at home. She, during the night, is overcome with sadness that she has to sit down, wear the dead husband’s coat, as well as walking around her house yelling out words of bereavement and distress.
All through the day she is angry with everyone, including her mother. Her friend that she has always been with at nights since the accident was forced to come back in the early hours of the morning to Bekky’s house. Bekky was disrupted by her friend, from her grieving process by the friend coming over. On the same scale is the grieving process for the dying, outlined and illustrated by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. This theory consists of: shock/denial; rage/anger; bargaining; depression (which is broken into two groups – reactive and weaning off); and finally acceptance.
The first stage, is apparent when the patient hears the news for the first time, and starts saying phrases like, “no, not me” and “it can’t be me”. The patient then goes to denial, saying “the results are wrong”, or “could you check my results again, please? “. The second stage is when the patient is angry in a general sense, preferring to blame his/herself, or sometimes the whole world. A semi-stage of rage/anger is when the patient constantly asks “why me? “. This question is directed at the people around the patient, but more prominently God.
In the third stage of the dying, the patient accepts his/her fate only temporarily, as to seem like the person is in control, making it easier to sway a person the patient is trying to bargain with. The most usual case of bargaining is with God, for example “If you let me live one more day, ill become a good Christian and go to church everyday”. This is not the final peace, only a temporary truce. In the ‘reactive’ mini-stage of depression, the patient starts to feel despair because s/he can’t hold or see in some cases their kids, or see another sunrise, et cetera.
This is when memories of their life come back to them on their hospital bed. The second mini-stage is ‘weaning off’. This other mini-stage is out of the two the most serious, due to the patients unwillingness to see people, the number of visitors goes down less and less. This is where the patient has none or only marginal cares about the outside world, politics, or when. The male patients in this stage have a major problem, because dealing with this level of depression makes them want to cry. This is hard due to our society where it is a ‘disconcerting’ look at the man’s sensitivity.
The man is ashamed of himself if he weeps in the presence of anyone else. The last stage is acceptance, or some times called the OK stage. It is when the patient fines inner peace with her/himself. This stage has no fear, but bliss. This stage is sometimes confused with Resignation, which is when the patient could not care less about her/his ordeal, thinks that the pain is not worth it and wishes to die. In Christianity, there are many beliefs and rituals to do with dying, death and funerals.
It is customary (and in most places the only way you can legally bury your dead), that the deceased be buried in a coffin, or in some other cases, cremated. At funerals, the service is held by a priest, who continues to tell loving things about the deceased, and how s/he is going up to heaven and bask in the glory of God, as well as prayers and psalms for the soul of the deceased. These ceremonies help the dead person’s family to let go of the person and to convince them that the person is going to a better place, and s/he will be okay under the watchful eyes of God.