The book that I chose to read for my book review was, The Eight Essential Steps To Conflict Resolution by Dr. Dudley Weeks. The reason I chose to read a book on conflict resolution was to further improve my skills at avoiding and dealing with problems. Because I feel that a person truly shows their character not when things are going well but when things begin to go bad.
And having the ability to deal with those problems strengthens one as a person. Dudley Weeks, PH. D. is widely commended as one of the world’s leaders in conflict resolution. He lives in Washington, D. C. has worked in over sixty countries and has counseled housands of businesses, families, and communities in the United States.
Dr. Weeks has twice been nominated for the Noble Peace Prize. Dr. Weeks is now teaching conflict resolution at the American University School of International Service and gives workshops throughout the world. Dr. Weeks basically tears conflict resolution into eight steps. The first step is to create an effective atmosphere. The second step is to clarify perceptions. Third is focus on individual and shared needs. Fourth is build shared positive power.
Fifth is look to the future, then learn from the past. Sixth is generate options. Seventh is develop “Doables. ” And the last step is make mutual benefit agreements. Dr. Weeks also touches on topics such as handling anger, dealing with people who only want things their way, and dealing with conflicts that involve an injustice. The first step is about Creating an Effective Atmosphere. Creating an effective atmosphere is a very important step in the conflict resolution process. It is more likely for mutual agreements be reached when the atmosphere is given careful consideration.
When thinking about atmosphere remember these ideas; personal preparation, timing, location, and lastly opening tatements. Personal preparation is doing all you can to ready yourself in positive ways to approach issues honestly and openly. Timing means that choosing a time that is best for all parties involved, a time in which no one is feeling pressed to move on or pressured in other ways. Location suggests that where you meet is as important as when you meet, it is best to pick a place where all parties can feel comfortable and at ease.
Lastly Opening statement has to do with trying to start out on a good note. Good openings are ones that let others know you are ready and illing to approach conflict with a team-like attitude that focuses on positive ends. They should also ensure the trust confidentiality of the parties involved. Clarifying Perceptions being the second step has to do with clarifying individual perceptions involved in the conflict. You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know what it is about. First to be done, is sort conflict into parts.
Then avoid “ghost conflicts,” get to the heart of the matter and avoid side issues. Clarify what, if any, values are involved. Then recognize that the parties involved need each other to be most effective. Finally, clarify your perceptions of he other party by avoiding stereotyping, listening carefully, recognizing the other’s needs and values, empathize by asking why they feel the way they do, and clear up misconceptions you may have of them. Step number three has to do with focusing on individual and shared needs. This section points out that one needs to expand shared needs.
Realize that you need one another in order to successfully resolve conflicts. Be concerned about meeting others needs as well as your own. When you take the time to look, you will recognize that individuals often share needs in common. Step four allows you to build shared positive power. Power is made up of people’s outlooks, ideas, convictions, and actions. A positive view of power enables people to be most effective. A negative outlook on power proves to be a lot less effective. Instead of “power with,” it encourages “power over.
Positive power promotes building together and strengthening partnerships. When parties in conflict have this outlook, they can encourage each other to use shared positive power. This gives an ultimate advantage to all involved because each person’s positive energy is being drawn upon for a worthwhile solution. Looking to the future, then learning from the past is the fifth step. Dr. Weeks tells not to dwell on negative past conflicts, or you won’t be able to deal positively in the present or the future. Try to understand what happened in the past, and avoid repeating the same mistake over.
Don’t get stuck in a rut; learn from past conflicts and be forgiving. Let others know, “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at what you did. ” Step six has to do with generating options. One needs certain options that they might need to use to make the conflict more positive and functional. First you ask for the “conflict partner’s” opinion, and listen and learn what they think about the conflict. Then try some of the “free flowing” options like making new suggestions on how to fix the problem, write down the suggestions and wait to discuss them till they are all out on the table.
Then group similar options together and narrow the list down. You should predict the possible outcomes. And look at all the ideas, no matter how silly or dumb they might seem because it might just be the thing that will solve the problem. Another way to find options is working together to identify all the key options. Key options are ones that meet one or more of the shared needs, meet individual needs and are ompatible with other’s needs. They use mutual positive power, improve the relationship, and are found acceptable but preferably satisfying to all involved.
One habit that should be avoided is looking at past experiences because they tend to cloud present perceptions and decisions. Step seven is develop “doables” which Dr. Weeks calls the stepping stones to action. Doables are specific actions that have a good chance at being successful. They are the ideas that have the best chance at success, and steps that never promote unfair advantages on any side. Doables are found on shared input and information from all parties. They are trust builders, they add confidence in working together. And lastly they’re actions that meet shared needs.
The last step Dr. Weeks uses to resolve conflict is make mutual benefit agreements. Mutual benefit agreements should give you a lasting solution to specific conflicts. Instead of demands, focus on developing agreements and find shared goals and needs. Build on “Doable” things by working on smaller stepping-stone solutions. Pay attention to the needs of the other person in addition to your own interests. Recognize the “givens,” basic things that cannot be altered or compromised. Clarify exactly what is expected of you in the agreement, clarify your individual responsibilities.
Finally keep the conflict partnership process going by using and sharing these skills with others. On the topic of handling anger Dr. Weeks states that its ok to feel anger, but we should not allow it to rule. Instead, we should identify the source of our anger and then try to move past it. When this is done, we can focus the positive steps of conflict resolution. In partnership, the idea is not to “break down” but to focus on “building up. ” Sometimes we will come in contact with people who only want things their own way or no way at all. Effective resolution is not deciding who gets their way.
Using “conflict partnership” skills can help you find a resolution that is “getting our way,” even with people who seem locked in a pattern of “either your way or mine. ” Dr. Weeks shows that when the other party seems to be defining conflict resolution as an “I versus you” struggle to try extra hard to set a partnership atmosphere, and state clearly that you see conflict resolution as a process in which you need each other. Then focus on shared needs and shared power, and lastly generate specific options and doables that will improve the relationship for the both of you.
If the other party is focusing on power or control and thinks losing either will weaken them you should focus on developing an “our” power attitude, and recall times that effective shared power has worked for the relationship in the past. And last if the other party focuses on controlling the situation rather than on the needs of the situation, you should encourage them to talk about what the needs of the situation really are, and then try to come up with doables based on those needs. Occasionally we come into a situation where we need to deal with a conflict that involves an injustice.
An injustice involves a violation of values or principles that are important to you. Dr. Weeks instructs to make sure that you understand the differences between behavior that is unjust and behavior you simply do not like. If you’re confident that a conflict is an injustice, you need to tell the other party how you see what has occurred. Focus on the behavior, not the person. In this situation, it is common to hear, “You aren’t fair! ” This kind of statement could result in a reply such as “Well, if you think I’m an unfair person, then I guess we have nothing to talk about.
A better way to handle this would be to start with a positive opening statement such as, “I feel what you did was unfair, and I want to understand why you did it. Were you aware I might feel unjustly treated? Would you feel unjustly treated if someone did that to you? ” This is more likely to result in a positive response and some feedback. The last thing you do is clearly state when you think the injustice has been done. And do it in a way that encourages a positive behavior and a successful resolution. In my opinion, Dr. Weeks did a excellent job when he wrote Eight Essential Steps To
Conflict Resolution. I found it extremely helpful incertain areas, I also found that I actually do some of the steps when I am dealing with a conflict. For example, when a conflict occurs I try to understand what happened with past conflicts and avoid repeating the same mistakes over again. Also when we are trying to find a solution I look for a solution that will be both beneficial to me and them. I did learn some good ways to organize our thoughts and solutions. I also learned to get to the heart of the conflict and focus on only that, and avoid all side issues.
As for my opinion of the author, I think he may be a better counselor and doctor than a writer. I found some of the reading sort of confusing and complicated, and had to read several sections over a few times to totally understand his point. Some of the vocabulary he uses is a bit technical, many words I needed look up to understand Dr. Weeks’ point. So basically what I am saying is that I found the reading to be a bit difficult but I really enjoyed the informational aspect of the book and that I learned a lot on how we should work through conflict and come to a resolution that benefits both parties.
