When Julia moved to Virginia three years ago, we immediately became best friends, and she eventually explained the reason for her move. Her mother was an alcoholic and was progressively becoming worse. She knew her mother was unfit to make healthy parental decisions, so she moved in with her father. It was not very long after Julia’s move that I met her mother. Despite what I knew about her, we instantly connected because she was a lot like my own mother; the only difference was that mine did not have a drinking problem.
Socioeconomic circumstances can change the approach and behavior people have regarding substance abuse. For example, my cultural climate includes a pleasant, urban neighborhood of ideal soccer moms and working mothers in stable careers, who are loving, caring, and patient. The culture I grew up in did not encourage mothers to drink, so being introduced to Julia’s mother was difficult because the situation was infrequent in my cultural climate. My family experiences sheltered me from the reality that other children were not as lucky.
I was faced with this when I befriended Julia and read about the Marston family in The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore. The unusual family unit that William Moulton Marston, Sadie Holloway, and Olivia Byrne share in the novel is a historical example of the neglect that some children receive from their parents. Marston had a son and daughter with Holloway and two sons with Byrne. Because of their unusual and unaccepted polyamorous relationship, they kept the true nature of Marston’s relationship with Byrne a closely guarded secret from everyone, including their own sons (79-181).
It was not until 1963 that Holloway admitted to Byrne’s sons that Marston was their father. These lies highlighted relationship issues such as a lack of respect and, ultimately, neglect for the children. The parallels I could draw to Julia and her mother were shockingly accurate to the themes found in the aforementioned text. Ever since she was young, Julia’s mother has failed to care for her properly and has even become violent at times, which is an extreme form of neglect. The Marston children had to face parents who kept secrets and lied to them, just like Julia.
It was almost midnight on a Saturday night when she was taking a shower and received a phone call. Due to our very close relationship, I answered it. I vividly remember answering the call and hearing very loud club music and many people talking in the background. The woman who called was slurring her speech, extremely hard to understand, and clearly intoxicated. It was her mother. The situation was actually worse that its jally worse that it seemed because Julia’s mother had just told her the previous Thursday that she had quit drinking.
She said she had signed up for Alcoholics Anonymous classes, was feeling energetic, and overall in a much better condition,” Julia happily told me, after a long phone call with her mother. After answering the phone, I was astonished and stuck in the middle of the situation I never envisioned myself in. The last thing | wanted to do was hurt Julia’s feelings because of how glad she was when she heard the recent good news. I felt like I told a lie by not telling her immediately and experienced guilt, anger, confusion, hurt, and sympathy.
After I told her a couple days later, Julia was very upset about her mother’s deceit. She was almost mad at me for not telling her immediately but understood why I wanted time to think about the situation. I felt like she absolutely had the right to know, especially because it had been a lifelong struggle between her and her mother. I reflected upon this memory for days because of how disconcerting it was. The idyllic mother is supposed to be nurturing and caring, yet the opposite exists in the life of my best friend, and the sad reality hit me.
This experience changed my perspective and gave me deeper love and sympathy for Julia after personally experiencing her situation and answering that dreadful phone call from her mother. The emotional internal struggle that I faced led me to believe that telling someone tough news is worth being honest in the end, especially because holding this information could lead to even worse consequences. The long-lasting struggle between Julia and her mother continues to this day, except her mother is in a worse condition.
She lost her job and lives with her boyfriend, who is completely providing for her and does not provide any positive encouragement to stop being involved with alcohol. She consistently goes to bars, calls her daughter intoxicated, and lies about her improving condition. Julia is still my best friend, and although it is not a pleasant topic of conversation, she frequently tells me about how her mother is doing. She is constantly giving her mother advice and relaying back my advice, but alcohol dependence syndrome is very difficult to overcome and sometimes seems impossible.
Julia, her mother, and I frequently Skype and talk on the phone whenever she is completely sober and acting pleasantly. After this situation, it is really hard for me to look at her in the same light, and even talking to her now I cannot help but think about that night she called Julia’s phone after completely lying to her. We absolutely want the best for her, but it is very hard to help when she does not listen or cooperate. Although my parents and family did not have a direct relationship with this experience, my feelings towards them evolved in a very positive way.
We have always had an extremely close relationship, but after seeing and experiencing the opposite for my best friend, I understand how fortunate I am to have a family that loves me unconditionally, is always honest, and is extremely healthy. Whenever I think I may have it bad or get frustrated with my family, I think back to this experience and even others who are going through similar things. It makes me feel very thankful to have a wonderful and loving family.
