Wherever I may venture in this great democracy of ours, I am surrounded by the appearances of my fellow corpulent Americans who simply cannot complete the tasks and situations that our daily lives demand. It is nearly impossible, for example to enter a classroom on the first day of school, without the sight of a shapeless mass chipping away at his finger nails not sure if he will be able to squeeze into the horrid combination of the chair and desk. Nearly after countless trials of trying to get his two-ton body into the constricting seat, his efforts are proven to be lucrative.
Mounds of sweat that drip from the underarm region of his shirt are revealed to the other twenty-five pupils that have been judging the rotund boy. He was practically unable to do what the other students do without an effort each and everyday. Yet, as the teacher began walking around the room to collect the calculus homework, the seat along with the oversized and embarrassed learner crashed to the floor creating a vociferous sound. It is frightening and wretched that in today’s society, with an abundance of modern technology and our above average education systems that two-thirds of adults and nearly one-third of children are obese.
Obesity, the sad condition brought about by the excessive indulgence of food consisting no nutritional value causes painful sights on the streets of our cities, which will soon become the norm of society. Not only does this parasite known as obesity create pity, but it is also linked to nearly the ninety chronic diseases most of which are fatal. I have been informed by a very knowing physician that since 1980 the rate of obesity in children and adolescents has almost tripled. Along with these heinous facts, America’s international image has been minimized from a country raised rom the ashes with freedoms and civil liberties, to a now disgraceful icon of a fat child eating a battered and deep fried stick of butter at a carnival.
Twenty years prior, none of the states had an obesity rate above fifteen percent. Today there is an astounding forty-one states with obesity rates that are above thirty percent. As someone so loyal to this country as myself, recognize that I alone am unable to solve this dilemma through my own actions. However, I must have the support of those who are left and unburdened by the excess and accumulated pounds of fat added to our waists.
A modest proposal I offer to you, as it shall tackle and conquer obesity in America if it is accepted. The termination of obesity will in total lower the rates of illnesses and diseases, which will then allow for a healthier population. When the population is healthy people will not be required to take absences from work because they will not be ill. Full-time workers who are overweight or obese and have other chronic health conditions miss an estimated 450 million additional days of work each year compared with healthy workers.
This leads to an estimated cost of more than one hundred and fifty-three billion dollars in lost productivity annually. Also this proposal will lower the healthcare spending from our government, which will allow the government to put our money to better use. Let us as a nation united suppress this dire plague and open a future of longevity, attractiveness, and exercise for the oppressed. To prevent obesity from dominating the United States of America extreme measures must be taken.
My prestige friend, the queen of Spain herself, has recommended a group specialized doctors that have extensive knowledge about the human body to help complete my incredible plan. The extraction of the blood of the obese is the first and foremost of the jobs of the doctors, which will be used for blood transfusions. These doctors will be then be tasked with severing the fat off of the human body in any plausible area such as the arms, stomach, or thighs. After the fat is collected, it will be pulverized into the form a liquid. This liquid will then be used as a source of gas for our nations cars.
Then, the doctors will harvest all of the useful and vital organs that people readily need in countries around the world. Another part from the human bodies that the doctors will collect is the bones, which will be later turned into musical instruments. Finally, the heads of the obese will be shave being used for wigs. After the doctors have gathered the blood, fat, organs, bones, and hair the rest of the body will be burned. Firstly, I calculate that there are over two hundred million obese people in America to date. I have also computed that every three seconds a person in the United States of America requires blood.
The outcome of my proposal is that hospitals across America will be well stocked with blood, meaning there will be a major decrease of deaths relating to the need of blood transfusions. Secondly, the fat that has been collected by the doctors will be converted into a liquid and then be used as a gas source for our nation as stated before. This new form of gas would benefit our environment unlike the oil that we use now, which pollutes the air we breathe. Also, the oil we use is mainly purchased from other countries so America will be saving money.
Since we will be producing our own type of “oil” for our cars, we will no longer be involved with wars with countries from the Middle East over this product. Thirdly, with the vital organs that the doctors have amassed, Americans will no longer die from the need of a new organ because one of theirs have failed. Thousands of people are waiting for organs, which are a feasible task to complete considering all of the obese men, women, and children in this nation. There will be an abundance of organs left over so, they can be sold to other countries.
Fourthly, once the organs are sold to the other countries in desperate need of them, this will be a major help to relieve our debt. I total a heart can be sold for one hundred and twenty thousand dollars while a kidney will be sold for two hundred and sixty thousand. Our great nation will be able to pay off our dues with the amount of people requiring these organs to survive. Fifthly, the United States of America will seem to be favorable with other countries around world because we are going to share the organs. America will gain at least one hundred allies because they are all so desperate for organs.
If the United States of America has to eventually declare war, we will have powerful allies making it nearly impossible for us to be defeated. Sixthly, the bones that are acquired from the obese will be altered into musical instruments. These instruments are then going to be given to schools across our nation so that the government will no longer need to fund music programs in the school districts. The government will then be able to spend this money on other prominent issues in our society but at the same time the arts program in the schools will be maintained.
Schools will not be required to make budget cuts because the bone instruments will be given freely, and the government will save a total of five million dollars a year off of the arts program every year. Seventhly, the hair collected from the obese will be converted into wigs. These wigs will go to the patients under going chemotherapy treatments, which causes most people to bald. I have added that there are over fourteen million people with cancer in the United States of America, and these wigs that are being made will help many of them who would never receive them because not a lot of Americans donate their hair.
The wigs will be given freely from each hospital allowing for the cancer patients to find joy and happiness. My countless years of research on this topic have allowed to me to conclude that there is no other logical proposal to reduce obesity in the United States of America. I can think of no one objection that will possibly be raised against this modest proposal and, which will have the same beneficial end results. Therefore, it clearly makes no logical sense to place a sugar-warning label on all food and drink items containing excessive amounts of sugar such as sodas.
Likewise, the banning of “supersize” drinks and meals in all states would have no considerable impact on the obesity of the people in this country. It would be implausible to allow schools to ban: soda, artificial juices, fried foods, and vending machines that sell snacks. Spending more money on advertisements to eat healthy and exercise appropriately than fast food chains spend on advertising is just preposterous and implausible. As proven, there is no solution that is more effective, rational or astute then mine.
This proposal was only constructed to benefit the people of the United States and my only goal of this is to try and aid our nation. I have no motive aside the betterment of the public image of America and the health of our people. The sole intention of this proposition is to exterminate the plague of obesity. The obese clearly are not making it their intention to assist this country in which they live, so instead they will be used to help the rest of the healthy residents in our country. My proposal should be noticed and accepted, for I am not obese.
