It is common for parents to be concerned about their children’s teen years, with rebellion, mood swings, and poor decisions being frequent grievances. Parents dread this “phase” and enter it with trepidation while being urged by their teens to give them more freedom as a person. What parents don’t realize is that their incessant complaints regarding their children’s unbounded freedom can have a negative impact on them. Many teens hear these complaints and believe that their parents would not approve of their choices and they must navigate their personal issues without assistance.
Hormones alone are not what guide teens’ seemingly irrational behavior, but the absence of constructive parental guidance, too much freedom, and the stress associated with finding another to confide in. Shakespeare’s exaggerated portrayal of teens’ desperation in Romeo and Juliet resonated with me, as I could relate their struggles to those in my own life. From the beginning of the play, it is evident that Romeo craved someone that would understand him, and not take his emotions or issues as ammunition against him. Shakespeare introduces Romeo while he is pining over Rosaline.
Later in act one, he abruptly falls in love with Juliet. To many, the abandonment of his feelings for Rosaline deems him shallow and unfaithful, but I read this as reeking of desperation. Just like Romeo, I yearned for understanding. In the seventh grade, I was in a new house, Green, while all of my friends were in Red. We slowly drifted apart and soon, I had no friends. There was one girl that I shared a few classes with, but was also in Red. By that point in the school year, I was desperate for someone to be friends with, and since I was a fairly annoying child I started lways sitting with and talking to her. Just like Romeo with Rosaline, I forced my friendship upon someone and faced rejection. In act one scene one, Romeo says Rosaline “hath Dian’s wit, / And, in strong proof of chastity well armed” (1. 1. 217-218), which is ultimately his motive for forgetting about her. He knew that she would never love him back, so Romeo, yearning for someone to relate to, moved on to the next available person sharing his desperation. With my new “friend”. I ended up being more of a follower or a wingman.
Later in the year, she ended up abandoning me to chase some guy, and much like Romeo I was left in the dust. After school ended my friend Kelley, who had also been in Red, started talking to me again and I jumped on the opportunity to regain an old friendship. Little did I know then that it would greatly affect my life for the coming years. Romeo endeavored to find someone he could connect with outside of his friend group, because he felt that his friends did not understand him. He says to himself “He jests at scars that never felt a wound” (2. . 1). Mercutio openly mocks and belittles Romeo’s feelings, making Romeo feel that he is unable to confide in his friends, leading him to cherish more deeply any moment spent with Juliet. I too strived to find compassion. In the eighth grade, a few more people joined my measly friend group, and Kelley ended up being an outsider; she endorsed different interests than the rest of us, and I was the only person keeping her there. Some of her interests, though, overlapped with mine – although I would never have admitted it to anyone else.
Since she was not extremely connected with our group, I felt like I could tell her things that my other friends did not care to hear, but the major reason that we became such close friends was because she understood me unlike anyone else. Romeo could not bear the thought of losing the one person he felt a connection with. After he is banished he exclaims “”Tis torture not mercy. Heaven is here Where Juliet Lives” (3. 3. 31-32). After word of her “suicide”, he brings upon himself his own death, for he does not wish to go back to a world without understanding.
I recently found myself in a similar situation. This school year our once compact friend group expanded once again, unaffected by the loss of Kelley, who moved away at the end of eighth grade. As she was the only friend I could confide in, her moving away impacted me more so than any of my other friends, but I remained in contact with her through text. As Romeo did not truly lose Juliet until her suicide, I did not lose Kelley until recently, when we got into a major disagreement. I have not spoken to her since.
Ignoring her has been slowly eating away at my conscience, and is constantly festering at the back of my mind. My decision whether or not to contact her once more is still waning, but for now I mourn the loss of friendship as Romeo mourned Juliet. Many people accept that Shakespeare’s portrayal of Romeo and Juliet is overblown, but he does this so that people may recognize the struggles and virtues of finding compassion as a teen. By emphasizing Mercutio’s judging nature, Shakespeare conveys how teens need people who will not criticize or belittle their emotions and struggles.
Shakespeare stresses the need for friendship with the relationship between Romeo and Juliet while at the same time showing how a teen’s judgement may not be mature enough without guidance from adults. At a time in their lives that they are expected to act as mature and independent adults, teens wrestle with many stressors such as grades and the social aspects of life. They are trapped in a fragile balance of school, social life, and downtime; one slip up could impact the rest of their life.
In addition, teens are also encouraged by their parents to act like mature adults before they are ready to step into that particular role. Although Romeo and Juliet border on the age of marriage, I am still able to relate to their hardships and recognize the importance of having someone my age to rely on as a confidant. The most difficult aspect is deciding who will be your confidant with whom you shall share your thoughts and dreams. As Bob Marley said “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for”.
