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My Reason for being alone

Being alone and being lonely is different. You can be alone but not feel lonely and yet feel lonely even when you’re with other people. Enjoying the feeling of solitude doesn’t necessarily mean I’m anti-social it’s just that I enjoy the feeling of having time to myself to just laze around and watch my favorite series or read a book from time to time. Although my personality is just more inclined to be introverted rather than extroverted there were a series of events that led to me enjoying my time alone rather than with other people. This is why I like being alone.

I guess it all started way back when I still a child. About 6 years old when I still lived with my cousins. I used to be “girly” from my cousins point of view so they would constantly tease me saying that I was “gay” and other such insults. I’m not saying there’s something wrong with being gay it’s just that for the child that was me it was mind boggling to me just thinking that just because I acted a little nerdy and that I didn’t pick fights with other people or that I was crybaby that I would be “gay”. I didn’t really understand where my cousins where coming from so I just started getting mad at them because they kept on making fun of me which led to them making fun of me even more. This cycle of toxicity isolated me from my cousins leading to me even running away from them at some point. It was at this moment that child me started to realize that if people made fun of me for being me then I would much rather be alone that be with them.

This led to me hiding in my room alone reading a short story or watching funny videos while my cousins played tag outside. When our family went to the beach and they played on the water I would sometimes just sit on the cottage just staring at them enviously and yet I would not move. I would stay there knowing they would just make fun of me again if I tried to join them. So I learned to enjoy my time alone, I learned how to have fun by myself and how to be happy without relying on other people. As I grew older I became much more adept at being happy by myself because of the things I learned. I also learned during the span of my solitude how to talk to other people and how to control my emotions. I started to grow out of my shell for a better term. I learned the nuances of making and keeping friends and gained a lot of self-confidence.

As of now you can still classify me as an introvert, but I’m an incredibly socially adept introvert. I’m not shy by any means nor am I afraid of speaking in front of a crowd but at the end of the day I’m still an introvert. I prefer the comfort of my pillow, my blanket and my bed with a laptop for watching shows or for reading books rather than a crowd of people at a party or a social gathering of strangers. I prefer cold rainy nights rather than a sunny bright Sunday morning. I prefer the cold evening breeze of a beach rather than its bright and cheerful counterpart. I prefer the feeling of being alone rather than with other people, because it gives me time to find comfort in myself, and to have fun and be happy without relying on other people. This is why I like being alone.

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